Spring Whirlwind

A lot has happened since our last adoption update. And while in some respects there is no new news, it feels as though we have a mountain to share.

At the beginning of February we heard the report that an expectant mother wanted to get to know us. We chatted back and forth with her for what felt like an eternity of anticipation, waiting nervously at the edge of our seat to hear if she had chosen us. After six weeks, we heard that she did in fact want us to adopt her precious baby, a girl. Our hearts leapt for joy at the thought of bringing baby girl home. And then, not more than three weeks after our wonderful news, our connection with her was broken. Another broken connection. That was two weeks ago.

An array of emotions I can't fully describe have come and gone since. Just when I think my heart is okay, I see the bag of pink onesies sitting in my closet. To protect my heart for tomorrow, I take the clothes to return today. The sales clerk asks if anything is wrong with the clothes. No. There is just simply no baby girl to wear them. A few days later I remember that we need to repack our baby carseat. And as he sees me take it to the garage to put it back in its box, Haddon rushes after me shouting "No! Sister! Baby! Hold! Play!" If my heart wasn't broken yet, it is now.

But it hasn't been all so disheartening. In fact, God has been merciful to me in the midst of my bitterness. Meeting my self-pity and discontentment with love and tenderness. Reminding me of the gracious and almost incredible blessings He has bestowed on our family. And the hope of new life to come.

These two weeks have been filled with some of the most beloved moments with our first miracle baby who is now our sweet and spunky two year old. This has been my favorite stage with Haddon. Calling out every bus we see while driving through the city, counting the trucks that pass on our evening walks, learning the names of every construction vehicle, reading books...so many books, building racetracks, playing hide-and-seek, kicking a ball down the hill and chasing after it, all the cuddles, yes, especially the cuddles, tying my hair back so I can let my hair down and be okay with the spills, messes, and rough play, learning to teach him colors and numbers and letters and shapes all of the things while to my utmost suprise he teaches me about kindness and empathy and grace, practicing Bible verses and songs, hearing my most treasured name "Momma!" for the thousandth time in a day...

How many years did I pray for the Lord to let me become a mom. I still can hardly believe it some days. He is ours. And oh how we love him. Adoption is messy. For many involved, there are times it is painful and difficult and ugly. But there is also so much beauty, and love, and goodness. And Haddon is our proof.

How can you pray for us?

Haddon has his third eye surgery as well as an MRI scheduled for April 23rd. Please pray that his body responds to the anesthesia well, for his doctor's wisdom and that her hands will be guided by our Great Physician, and for positive and helpful information from his MRI results.

We are moving to Virginia in mid/late-June. The Lord ever so faithfully provided Tyler a new job as the assistant professor of Biblical Studies and Christian Ministry at Regent University! That means our adoption profile is on hold until we are home study approved in our new home. Please pray for a smooth and safe move, and please also pray for an easy and happy transition for Haddon (and us) to a new home and all that entails.

Lastly, please pray that our hearts would not grow tired or weary on this road that God has laid before us. We have a lot of change in the near future, and while we believe that it will overall be very good for our family, change is rarely painless in the midst of it.

Thank you for walking with us on our journey.

In His Faithful Grip,

Tyler, Allie, and Haddon